There was this man who always procrastinates about everything, like wanting to watch a soccer match first before buying dinner. One day, his wife wasn't too happy to return home from work to find that there is no dinner. NOT even instant noodles. In frustration, she kicked up a BIG quarrel with him and the next day, neighbours found him dead. When questioned by the police, she claimed that he had committed suicide himself.
Police: What was the last thing you said to your husband?
Widow: And, WHEN are you going to BREATHE?
Police: What is his answer?
Widow: Later...
Feeling very down
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Andrew MacLean
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Jacqueline
Having provoked this string of stories, you will have to develop some method of grading them (perhaps one to ten, where one is so corney that it provokes the feintest groan and ten is so funny that you are left holding your sides and gasping for breath).
A quite smile might be a four.
a slight giggle could come in at a six ..
You decide! Publish the cirteria and grade the efforts.
Andrew
Having provoked this string of stories, you will have to develop some method of grading them (perhaps one to ten, where one is so corney that it provokes the feintest groan and ten is so funny that you are left holding your sides and gasping for breath).
A quite smile might be a four.
a slight giggle could come in at a six ..
You decide! Publish the cirteria and grade the efforts.
Andrew
Andrew MacLean
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Louise Pembroke
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Welcome! to the Cosmoloony Psych-assessment Quiz for health/social care workers.
Written by Louise Pemboke and Andy Smith
Please answer A, B, or C to the following questions
Why might a person refuse to speak?
A Psychotic
B In shock
C Mouth full of cake
Why might a person refuse to eat?
A Voices are instructing them not to
B In emotional overload
C Cake shop closed
Why might a person not show pain whilst being treated for self-injury?
A Dissociation
B Fear of being seen as "attention seeking"
C It's a rubber arm
Why might a person not want to see the psychiatrist?
A Don't want to be helped
B Makes a disaster out of a crisis
C Not unless he's authorised to sign a patisserie order
Why might a person not let the Approved Social Worker into their home?
A Has no 'insight'
B Makes a disaster out of a crisis [sounds familiar?]
C It's the maids day off
If you answered mostly 'A's - you are too medically minded and there's the door..
If you answered mostly 'B's - you gave the common sense answers and should be working with mad people
If you mostly answered 'C's - you're a fruit cake and should definately be working with us [and get us some cake now please]
Hope you enjoyed the Cosmoloony Psych-assessment Quiz!!
Written by Louise Pemboke and Andy Smith
Please answer A, B, or C to the following questions
Why might a person refuse to speak?
A Psychotic
B In shock
C Mouth full of cake
Why might a person refuse to eat?
A Voices are instructing them not to
B In emotional overload
C Cake shop closed
Why might a person not show pain whilst being treated for self-injury?
A Dissociation
B Fear of being seen as "attention seeking"
C It's a rubber arm
Why might a person not want to see the psychiatrist?
A Don't want to be helped
B Makes a disaster out of a crisis
C Not unless he's authorised to sign a patisserie order
Why might a person not let the Approved Social Worker into their home?
A Has no 'insight'
B Makes a disaster out of a crisis [sounds familiar?]
C It's the maids day off
If you answered mostly 'A's - you are too medically minded and there's the door..
If you answered mostly 'B's - you gave the common sense answers and should be working with mad people
If you mostly answered 'C's - you're a fruit cake and should definately be working with us [and get us some cake now please]
Hope you enjoyed the Cosmoloony Psych-assessment Quiz!!
Director of Sci-Fi and Silliness and FRCC [Fellow of the Royal College of Cake]
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james mckinlay
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HI THERE SORRY TO HEAR YOU FEEL DOWN K.C DOES GET YOU DOWN AT TIMES AND YOUR RIGHT WE WOULD GIVE IT ALL FOR ONE DAYS PERFECT VISION BUT WHAT IS PERFECT ?
DONT WANT TO SOUND BAD BUT I HAD 17 REJECTION EPISODES WITH MY GRAFTS AND I GUESS IM JUST USED TO FIGHTING BUT YOU HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING AND HOLD ON TO IT AND DONT LET THE KC BEAT YOU ITS FINDING IT INSIDE THATS GOING TO HELP AND WHEN YOU DO GRAB IT AND FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.
I GOT MYSELF A PUNCH BAG THAT GETS MY ANGER TAKEN OUT ON IT.
IM SORRY YOUR SUFFERING AT THE MOMENT
I HOPE YOU GET BACK ON YOUR FEET
SORRY FOR THE CAPS ITS EASY FOR ME TO SEE THIS WAY
ALL THE BEST
JAMES
DONT WANT TO SOUND BAD BUT I HAD 17 REJECTION EPISODES WITH MY GRAFTS AND I GUESS IM JUST USED TO FIGHTING BUT YOU HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING AND HOLD ON TO IT AND DONT LET THE KC BEAT YOU ITS FINDING IT INSIDE THATS GOING TO HELP AND WHEN YOU DO GRAB IT AND FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.
I GOT MYSELF A PUNCH BAG THAT GETS MY ANGER TAKEN OUT ON IT.
IM SORRY YOUR SUFFERING AT THE MOMENT
I HOPE YOU GET BACK ON YOUR FEET
SORRY FOR THE CAPS ITS EASY FOR ME TO SEE THIS WAY
ALL THE BEST
JAMES
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Louise Pembroke
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Andrew MacLean
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Jacqueline Cheetham
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