How do you feel about the donors?

[Paul Osborne]

Sorry to jump in late to the original topic - havent been online for a day or two.

But the donor thing really does concern me and to be honest I feel quite ethically challenged.

Particularly since I should be done in the next couple of months and so people I see now could be donating to me real soon now.

I know that a cornea will become available as that is the way of life and death, but I do still feel that I am wishing someone to die so that my quality of life can improve.

Is it "right" to write a thankyou letter to the donors family? Should I do it in advance now whilst I am to an extent challenged by the situation or should I wait until afterwards when I am hopefully eternally gratefull?

Paul
PS: This is the second time I have tried to post this, no idea why the 1st one vanished.

[Andrew MacLean]

Paul

The way I came to terms with these ambiguities was to realize that it was not in order that I might have their cornea that my donor died.

The death of the donor occurred due to circumstances entirely unrelated to the donation. I do not have any idea how or why my donor died.

Once the donor was dead, the transplant team spoke to his or her grieving relatives. Even if the donor carried a card, it was still necessary for his or her family to give permission for the cornea, skin, veins and other internal organs to be taken for use in various transplant procedures.

Permission given, the parts that could be used were taken and so perhaps two people received new corneas and other tissue was available for other uses.

I'd advise against beginning to let yourself think that it is in order for you to see that somebody has to die. This is not only an inversion of the truth, it is also inevitably going to upset the way you think of the world and your relationships in it.

Let me also say this: I do not expect that I shall survive either of my children (23 and 25). I do however know that both of them hope that if they do lose their lives under circumstances in which any of their body parts can be used in transplant surgery, their mother and I will give all permissions without hesitation or delay. They have made this their consistent position over many years, and when we speak about these things they always re-state their intentions in this regard.

All the best with your surgery. When you receive the gift allow yourself to be grateful for the generosity that leads to your recovery of sight and remember that the death and the donation happen in that order, the first being unrelated to the second.

Wait until you have something to tell the family. I have now written a letter that will go to my donor's family and they will know how much their gift has improved my life. Maybe my sight and the lives being lived by others will help them come to terms with their tragedy and glimpse beyond their tears a monument not only to their generosity but also to the life that was lost.

Andrew

[Louise Pembroke]

Paul, I didn't think about it in the way I do now when I had my first graft, I was so grateful to have the surgery, and I reckon most families when they are out of their initial grief would know that none of us wish someone to die, and feel deeply indebted. In some ways I feel worse about the graft that didn't work out so well because I wonder would they think it had been a waste?
Wanting to see, is not the same as wishing someone to die.
People waiting for hearts or kidneys don't wish someone to die, they just want to carry on living. As you say, it is the way things are, you could just as easily be a donor yourself.
Do what feels right for you regarding writing a card. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' here, it's personal choice.

[Louise Pembroke]

Beautifully said Andrew, you're a wise man

[Paul Osborne]

Andrew, Louise,

Thankyou for some sound, considered advice.

Paul

[Sweet]

Yes Anne i think it would be a good idea to have it in writing as i actually phoned the donor helpline twice, once when i talked to a nurse and once when i waited to talk to a doctor as i wasn't very happy wth the nurses reply. He said that he had looked it up as they have it all in writing and that we can't donate any organs or give blood. It would be good to work out the truth so that we can all understand as many of us here have had grafts.

Thanks Sweet X x X

[John Smith]

Indeed. It does seem that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is saying.

As for you, Andrew - thank you for your well-thought-out comments.

[Louise Pembroke]

It's shocking really and unprofessional that the information is inconsistent.

[GarethB]

Paul,

On the subject of receiving a graft, I have always felt that I have been given the honour and great responsibility of fulfilling someones last wishes.

Although from some of my post it may appear I have put my cornea through a lot, I reflect on the fact part of someone still lives on in me and I owe it to them to live life to the fullest and to give back in life what I have received.

This forum is just one of those areas I feel I can do just that.

Hope it helps a bit.

Gareth

[Louise Pembroke]

This is a copy of an email I received about organ donation;

However, having an existing medical condition does not necessarily prevent
a person from becoming an organ or tissue donor. In the event of your
death, clinicians, taking account of your medical history, will make a
decision about whether some or all organs or tissues are suitable for
transplant. Usually, but not always, it is possible for some organs or
tissues to be donated. You have made your wishes clear and this is the
most appropriate action that you can take at this time.

I hope that this goes some way to allaying your concerns

It is very kind of you to consider the needs of others in the event of your
own death and the benefits which organ donation could bring to those
waiting for a life saving or life enhancing transplant.

Yours sincerely

Miss Christine Cole
Organ Donor Register Team Leader

Christine Cole
ODR Team Leader - Data Services
UK Transplant
Tel: (0117) 975 7553
Fax: (0117) 975 7577
E-Mail: Christine.Cole@uktransplant.nhs.uk
Web: http://www.uktransplant.org.uk