Witty KC come backs

[Knight]

OK maybe not witty, rather, sarcastic, but hey I am so bored and I'm having such fun with 'speak-typist'.
But it occured to me, the usual things ppl would say, not that there's anything wrong with that, KC is rare so understanding of the condition is what ppl immediately perceive - but then I started to amuse myself with 'the things I wished I could say' ...



All the same: read the revised list posted below; as it reads better


Yeah I know, not superlative wit, just testing and thought I'd share lol, I might try develop these into a catalogue of better honed KC handbook comebacks.

[Val G]

Just walked in from work in a foul mood. Feeling as if I'm doing three people's jobs instead of taking it easy after my graft. This really cheered me up!

[John Smith]

Knight,

Well done for cheering us all up. You must really be bored. How is your cloudyness progressing? Gone yet?

[Sweet]

LMAO!!!!!!!! That was the funniest thing i've read for ages and made me smile after the bad day i've had!! Hehe i loved the one saying i'm standing over here when i don't LOL!! Proves that we can get around very well without other peoples help!

Thanks for sharing those and definately keep them as put in a leaflet they would be dam funny!!

Talk soon, Sweet X x X

[GarethB]

Reminds me of Christmas when a joker was taking the Michael.

I reminded him when i look in the mirror I do not see a moron!

[Knight]

Knight,

...How is your cloudyness progressing? Gone yet?

So far no, I was due for the Corneal Graft Clinic today but due to some circumstances the appt has been changed to next week. Otherwise my eye isn't too bad, but I have to admit its throbbing a little today and very dry, I've spoken to the nurse and the surgeon today as well, and everything is fine and as expected. Due to me still taking the pupil dilation drops, the cloudyness is going to remain at least 'this way' until next week and the sensitivity to even low light will be an ongoing issue.
Overall thou, my eyesight is very good, and good enough to watch TV with sunglasses on but only for about an hour at a time before I get headaches. I still can't read my books, the strain is a bit too much still, so I've been listening to many audio-books (The Da Vinci Code was ok but I'm listening to Micheal Crichton - Timeline atm). Also, I write alot, but I can't bc of my eye as much as I'd like, so I've be compelled to use a few different audio-typing software, none of them are very good, simple cmds yeah but regular writing takes much calibration.
Anyway, the jokes above were more my mood today, messing with the audio s/w totally bored out of my skull, I have so much to do, but I cant and I have been reminded by my surgeon to 'go easy' so much left hanging. But I've 'writen' more on the above that I'll post soon
Glad yall liked and got a giggle outa those, I'm trying to be a lil more inventive with the rest.

[John Smith]

[I'm listening to Micheal Crichton - Timeline atm

I've listened to that one too! I was most disappointed to learn that I had the abridged version, and there is an unabridged version available! Still, the abridged audio was somewhat better than the film. Well, I thought so!

I'm trying to be a lil more inventive with the rest.

Excellent. I'm sure we'll all look forward to them.

Anyway, go away and rest that eye. I hadn't realised that you were still on dilating drops - that must be hard. I didn't have them, and I'm rather pleased, too! Was that because it was a DALK (did Sweet have these?), or just the way your surgeon works?

Hope you're better soon.

[Andrew MacLean]

Knight

I have a theory about NHS clinics ... they ask you when would be a good time for you to attend the next clinic. You carefully consider your own timetable against their available dates and between you they settle on a suitable time.

The minute you are out of sight they cancel the date you hve agreed and send you a letter giving you the date and time they had in mind all the time.

When they ask "when are you able to come for your next appointment?"

Just say, the one time I cannot come to the clinic is a thursday at 1.00 pm, so let's just settle on that for the next appointment, shall we?

[Knight]

*warning & note: some Adult references*

I revised them all so here goes, not to be taken seriously eh ... yes I have been that bored today

Witty KC come backs (choose option that best suits)

Can you not wear glasses?
Wow, glasses, I never thought about that before, DUH!
No I'm allergic!
No I'd rather be blind … specky!

Does it hurt?
Only when people poke me in the eye.
Only all the time
It does but at least I don't have to look at your ugly face

Can I 'catch' that Keratoconus (pronounced Kay-ratty-cones)
If you could pronounce it properly you might!
If you believe looking at pornography will make you go blind, then yeah!
Why, are you chasing it?
You just have!

Why you wearing sunglasses in the rain / indoors?
'Cause I'm just that cool (you minger or you be-hatch)
Oh my God, wow (freak out look around), I am?
Because we must stop the Priory de Sion before they gain full control of the Baphomet and use it to propel the world into perpetual darkness that is their new-world order as foretold in the book of Enoch.

Can you read that okay?
Oh yeah I just enjoy the smell of ink.
*Whack*
Why you asking me that, is it cause I is black, you-batty-boy?

Don't know how you can do that, I could never put contact lenses in my eyes!
Sitting so close to the TV, the static, makes my hair stand up - so I have to!
Well come here and I'll do it for you.
And yet you'll dress like that in public!

You have to clean and wash your lenses every day it must be terrible!
Personal hygiene yeah boring.
That's a mixed metaphor is that confusing you.

Why you staring at me like that?
Oh sorry, its just this thing I have, I normally look at people when they talk to me.
Because I'm hungry.
'Cause I feel like I'm back at the petting zoo.
I'm hypnotized by the wobble of your many chins.
I'm hypnotized by your unparalleled hideousness.
Its called manners.

At airport security check-in. What is this for? (Holding up lens case)
That's a spare wheel container for my pet's bike.
Shush don't tell anyone
That's my used suppository receptacle
You tell me it fell out of my ass this morning and I've been worried about it all day.
It's the last earthly remains of my goldfish.
That's the sarcophagus for Tutankhamen's royal tackle.
The eyes of my last victim.
It's the planet Jupiter's moons.
(Later, after saying these, while they put the latex gloves on, I regretted my wit.)

Oh my God you're going to have an eye transplant?
Yeah and I'm being hunted by a robot from the future and my best friend is Captain Nemo.
Yes, and yours are about the right size.
Why, you got any for sale?

I hear that they can do wonders withLasers, have you considered that?
There's nothing wrong with my hearing.
Yes I'm having one installed on Wednesday to destroy my enemies.

How do your eyes feel today?
Normally they don't, I use my fingers for that!
Round somewhat ovoid
All wet and squishy

Have you considered an alternative medicine?
Yeah I have but, herbal tea stings my eyes and acupuncture makes it difficult to blink.
No I can afford real doctors, hippy!
I don't swing that way, baby.
What, are you coming onto me?

Is having such eyesight problems made your other senses any better?
What?
Yes, I got great cell phone reception!
Now that you mention it, you smell god awful.
My Internet has been running much faster recently.

Will a corneal graft change the color of your eye?
Yeah, it'll turn them very red!

What causes Keratoconus?
Microwave ovens.
Excessive masturbation
An allergic reaction to morons.
Computer Viruses.
Cheese and turnip sandwiches.
Low quality underpants.
Owl feathers.
Watching repeats of The Bill on UK Gold.

Does having Keratoconus not scare you?
Ummm No!
Heroes feel no fear.
No more than ugly scares you.
What, are you retarded?
Let put it this way I just sh*t myself
Well maybe it would if I knew what it was.
Its better than castration.

Will you go blind from Keratoconus?
Who said that.
Don't ask me ask the donor.
Unfortunately I will, but at least it's extremely contagious.

Strangers asking: Can I help you?
What did you have in mind?
How much do you have?
What, HERE?

misc
What's your best excuse to pull a sick-day?
Phone the Boss: As you know I have Keratoconus it's a rare usually progressive deformity of the cornea, I can't come in today because I can't wear my RGP or Sclera Contact lenses, I tried various sight correction lenses even piggy back hybrids and those don't work. I might have to go for a Corneal Transplant -
Boss interrupts: Oh my God (didn't understand a word of what you said, fears a lawsuit) That's fine take as many days as you like.

Friends are like Keratoconus and Contact Lenses, can take a while to grow on you, can be a bit irritating at times but without them sometimes you're lost.

Mind your step, stairs there.
What did you call me?

And your point is?
My eyes are. (pointy)

I'll be other there if you need me.
I'll be standing right here, when I don't.

[Sweet]

Hehehe oh please don't make me laugh anymore i've got a stitch now!!

John i've never had dilating drops since my graft just steroids and abx when the stitches are removed. I have only had dilating drops when i had iritis in the other eye which was to stop the iris 'sticking' apparently to the cornea or something like that. I did use it but it was nasty to use and gave you such blurred vision as well so i do sympathise with Knight!

Sweet X x X