KC Big Brother?!

[Andrew MacLean]

If the Ministry of Love saw through my twiglets ruse, I'd have to own up to having a morbid fear of raw oysters (with or without tabasco sauce or lemon). About a half dozen on the half-shell and arranged on a pyramid of ice would be enough to get me thinking about submitting to their evil wiles.

Alternatively, they might just discover my morbid fear of beaches with the sea gently lapping at the shore ... ... ...

I'd just have to hope that they never found out that I have an absolute dread of comfy sofas and soft cushions