Anyone got any good jokes??
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Andrew MacLean
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oh the joy that joke brings me!
Here is my contribution
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the car impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
Here is my contribution
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the car impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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Andrew MacLean
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There was once a drummer who had become tired of hearing drummer jokes. He decided to take up a new instrument, but which one?
Our drummer went to the interweb to do some research. Eventually he decided to take up the accordion. Buoyed up by his new decisiveness, the drummer went to the nearest music store. "I'd like to buy an accordion", he told the shop assistant.
"Yes sir, we have a wide range of accordions. Why not go and look at our display, on the back wall?"
The drummer went to the back wall of the shop, and sure enough there were about twenty different accordions on display. Some had one keyboard and one 'button' board. Some had two keyboards, and some even had two 'button' boards. Eventually the drummer decided and made his way back to the counter.
"I'd like to buy the big red accordion", he announced triumphantly.
"Ah, sir. " The shop assistant was smiling, "I think you must be a drummer who is looking to take up a new instrument."
"Well, yes. How did you know?"
"The big red accordion, sir. That's the radiator".
Our drummer went to the interweb to do some research. Eventually he decided to take up the accordion. Buoyed up by his new decisiveness, the drummer went to the nearest music store. "I'd like to buy an accordion", he told the shop assistant.
"Yes sir, we have a wide range of accordions. Why not go and look at our display, on the back wall?"
The drummer went to the back wall of the shop, and sure enough there were about twenty different accordions on display. Some had one keyboard and one 'button' board. Some had two keyboards, and some even had two 'button' boards. Eventually the drummer decided and made his way back to the counter.
"I'd like to buy the big red accordion", he announced triumphantly.
"Ah, sir. " The shop assistant was smiling, "I think you must be a drummer who is looking to take up a new instrument."
"Well, yes. How did you know?"
"The big red accordion, sir. That's the radiator".
Andrew MacLean
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Andrew MacLean
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Paul Morgan
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Andrew MacLean
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- Joined: Thu 15 Jan 2004 8:01 pm
- Keratoconus: Yes, I have KC
- Vision: Other
- Location: Scotland
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